new beginning?

So I really need to be strong. I need to really focus on me this time. I gotta learn how to walk the path of life by myself again. The past two months was a horrible horrible two months for me. I think Its been the worst for me. Been cheated on and betrayed over and over again. Lies after Lies. But I dont regret it. It really shows me that something great will come to me. God just has a better plan for me soon.

I kind of realize that those who hurt me in the past got a taste of their medicine and its been worst for them. so Im not gonna dwell on this little bump, I know god will have a way for them to realize their wrong doing and maybe karma will bite them back. Im hoping when that does happen, they will change their ways and not do it again to anyone else.

It just sucks that people have to be so unfaithful and evil. They say they are a good person but they have other agendas planned. and then they have friends who help them and encourages them to do wrong. I just laugh at it now, knowing that soon they will receive a special delivery of karma. People are just evil sometimes. They come off as an innocent and good people but they aint, they are the ones who sin most.

So i say this is another learning lesson for me and I dont regret this experience, Ill take it as another lesson learned ill take it with a grain of salt...haha, a new beginning for me. I know that ill have to really work hard on reaching my goals. Ill just laugh and smile when things and karma bites these people hard.

Chasing Pavements

Tonight was really hard, I got my closure. It turned out that he was talking to someone else. He says its an old friend, but he lied about it and lied to my face. Last night he said that he'll continue talking to this guy...to me I felt like he chose this guy and not me. I felt so betrayed and so unwanted. I had so much emotions all catching up to me. I felt betrayed, unwanted, disappointed, sad, I just feel like curling up in bed and stay in my room. I was told that I was "weak emotionally" and that hurt so bad.

Being betrayed again, its always the reason why my relationships didn't work. I didn't expect it from this guy. I should have known this was going to happen. I'm just so disappointed that this took place.

In the end, although I'm saddened by this, Ill find a way to accept it in the long run. As long as he is happy then that's what I should be thinking about. He is happy and I should accept it. Ill work on my own happiness someday.


Brand New Year!

"I made up my mind, I dont need to think it over if Im wrong or am right"
I just made another leaping decision. Its one decision that was really hard for me to do. I was looking for answers, answers to lead me to something.to reassure me that what I am about to do is for the best. Luckily, there was more than enough answers for me.

I decided that Im gonna really try to clean my closet and dust out of my life. Time to start a new venture. Leave all bad memories and what not behind. There comes a moment in my life where I told myself that if ever this happened, Im gonna do me and focus on me for a change. I really didnt want to let go, and its sad that I am but its not the right thing to do if I linger in someones life if that person isnt serious and ready. It just isnt me anymore. I need to stop meeting people like that. People are gonna say that these things are a lesson learned but I think I came across these kind of people too much in my life already. Im done!

new day

Still Alive

Life is getting busy again, Took on the responsibility of the family to get everything set up to get a loan for This House we are living in, everything is going as planned, so hopefully in a month or two we will be signing papers. I also volunteered to help organize my parents and my sister's Bills so they wouldnt forget to send them in and what not. Its been great that we as a family have been getting closer because of a lot of things thats been going on which I love.

I AM

Its been a though month so far.
Despite the fact that I want to be happy, Im not
though I tell myself I am, but im not.
I force myself, but in the end I realize Im not.
At the end of the night, I tell myself tomorrow will be a better day
then tomorrow comes, and things dont get better

bitch slap

just when I thought I can be free and happy again, I get stabbed in the back. Its been almost a year since I tried to be friends with a particular person and when I think Im ready to give my whole heart and self to someone again, I find out he still has all the CDs, DVDs, pictures of his ex when he said he got rid of them all. I remember him taking me to this place the first time we hung out and told me that particular place is a place he goes to and think and he never took anyone special there before. Then I saw pictures of him and his ex in that same place. Haha, its funny how I keep getting these kind of guys, its like im cursed or something. Ill ride this thing until he confess. I should play all the songs he used to play alot to his ex, teh same songs he played for me. wow. Im such a sucker for liars and cheaters.